imagine if minecraft spiders were real. how cool would that be. wake up at night, go take a piss, then turn on the bathroom light and stare face first at a spider the size of a child bicycle

@whitequark take that, square-cube law

@SnoopJ they'd probably be very light though, like bodies mostly made of air

... light enough to fly, maybe, even?

spiders the size of your pinky phalanx: not scary
spiders the size of a dinner plate: scary
spiders the size of a large dog: once again not very scary

@whitequark i would be more scared of the walking land mines

@azonenberg exactly

imagine how thicc the webs would be, too. you could probably get a pet minecraft spider and just have it extrude kilometers of web. then make underwear out of it or something

this is what i think about unprompted at 3am

@whitequark speak for yourself

I'd scream like it was voice therapy

@astraluma eh, you'd get used to it

@astraluma like the important part is there's no way they can move that fast

@whitequark Okay so here's a serious question. Are moose, technically, *less* scary.

Like yes I understand people are intrinsically freaked out by long hairy legs whereas moose are structurally like cows. But.

@whitequark @SnoopJ normal irl spiders can already sort of fly i think

@mcc moose scare me because it's an animal that weighs as much as as a car that will murder you without hesitation

minecraft spiders are aggressive in minecraft but i don't think they'd be aggressive toward humans irl

@whitequark as someone who can’t do that either, go to bed 😭

@doomsey no plans to, it's the quietest time of the day and the only one i can work or rest

@unnick @SnoopJ yes thats what i meant

@mcc @whitequark people who haven’t seen a moose up close think they are structurally like cows. People who have looked one in the eye know they’re the scariest animal you are likely to encounter in North America.

(Cows will fuck you up, too, to be fair.)

@steve @mcc my mental model for moose is basically the same as for hippo. which is to say if i'm likely to encounter one i should consider writing a will first

@whitequark @steve *thinking* I should write a will

@whitequark i thought the most venomous arachnids (both spiders and scorpions) were on the smaller side? Like the dinner plate sized tarantulas are less likely to do serious damage than the ones 1-2cm across that live in Australia

@azonenberg they look scary though (most people evaluate spiders by the looks)

@noisytoot (you see it through a window)